30 in 30 5: 14, 7, 4, 3

Written in a fasted state.

30 in 30 5: 14, 7, 4, 3

Amongst monkeys and men

  • Language (or dialect)
  • Where you grew up
  • Educational History
  • Hobbies/Interests, & Musical Tastes
  • Sense of Humor
  • Worldview (Moral, Religious, Political)

form friendships. Similarity in a single pillar builds enough trust to bond with strangers into a 'one-dimensional club'. As more pillars match. intimacy, contact frequency, and prosocial behavior increase.

In romantic relationships, it's more complex. Pillars are one of many filters that sift through billions to find the few good  date candidates.

  1. Are they sexually available?
  2. Are you mutually attracted to each other?
  3. Do you have similarities (matching pillars)?
  4. Do you (or can you) live near each other?

If the above answers are 'Yes', you determine relationship quality.
Quality is dependent on:

  • Uniqueness (of emergent behaviors)
  • Integration (of personalities)
  • Trajectory (of relationship)
  • Evaluation (of relationship)
  • Responsiveness (vs. reactiveness)
  • Resolution (of arguments)
  • Maintenance (of commitment)
  • Predisposition (i.e. baggage)
  • Instrumentality (i.e. goal attainment)
  • Standards (of people)
  • Diagnosticity (of true motives)
  • Alternatives (other than you)
  • Stress (beyond coping)
  • Culture (norms)

Check all those boxes and you're good to get married.

In Chihayafuru's love triangle, Taichi, the perfect man, and Wataya, the genius, love beautiful Chihaya. While Wataya is of romantic quality, Taiichi is a mere pillar match. No one dates. No one is happy.

Solution?

Don't play with more than one viable partner at a time. Make clear your relationship status as early as possible. Stay aware of above principles, pillars, and filters to know where you stand with those around you.